what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what day is it and did you see me today?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
