It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
