I forgot how hot balto sounded
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
