My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
