just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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