She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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