You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
