i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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