sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
