Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
