Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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