i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize