I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
