Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
