I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
