Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
