even my farts smell like vagina
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
