my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
