Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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