thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
