the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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