There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
