So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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