you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
