I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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