If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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