I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
