I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
