You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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