ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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