I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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