so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
