Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
