you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
