so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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