I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
