Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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