Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
