Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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