If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
