i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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