Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
