his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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