shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
