i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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