There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
