Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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