so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
