There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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