i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
