so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
