If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
