It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How does one acquire holy water?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
