Where is the hickey?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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