There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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