Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
