Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
