My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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