I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize