He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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