Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
