I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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