Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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