Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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