I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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