Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
