guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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