I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
