pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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