So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
