Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
