Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
